dimanche 17 décembre 2006

Trip in my sober thoughts, Carpe Diem, evapotranspiration

Hey, around 4AM I wondered if I had slept at all even though I went to bed at one. I tried to drift in sleep but wasn't able to stop my thoughts from pinballing in a nonsensical way. I tried mildly (LOOOVE that adjective) disturbing my brain by focusing it on the fact that I was now sleeping upside down in my bed, but I wasn't patient enough to wait for the effect and I was just thinking: this is so unproductive, sleep (or at least trying to get it while it's not working), you should do something else. My level of self-awareness was too great: I new the position of each of my limbs and that my heart was beating and damn, I've been studying neuroscience all the day long on Saturday so it doesn't help to think about one's brain.
I decided to study but then I noticed the heaviness of my eyelids and that the fact I couldn't concentrate on one thing (thinking about nothing) meant that my attention level was too great to sleep but too small to study. So I decided to put order in my appartment, and my brain started commenting on every action. I became quite pissed about it and felt unable to stop it. I decided not to heat water to make dishes (my water tap in my bath is leaking, so I get that water and give it to my plants and make dishes with it because it has heavy whatever-the-pipes-are-mad
e-of metal deposits in it) in case I would randomly fall asleep, but I ate my chocolate of the day anyways (I've got a chocolate calendar; my mother offered one to me and one to my sister in remembrance of my grandmother deceased earlier this year; it actually works well to remember ONE DAY AT A TIME, CARPE DIEM and other Eckart Tolle thoughts [author which my parents are crazy about and it's doing them good]).
OK another thing I badly wanted to say that I didn't yesterday: I witnessed evapotranspiration yesterday. I got that burst of fog right above my plants when the Sun was hitting my appartment and I didn't understand at first because I wasn't showering/rice cooking/other humid activities (lol) but when I understood what was going on I was so glad to be in environment and get a sense out of simple physical phenomenon.
I realize getting sleep is really important if I want to internalize what I've learned yesterday properly, so I might turn of my alarms to not put stress on myself for sleeping now, and it might help me to drift in sleep. Sorry for that little therapy thing; if Facebook can be useful, it might be now: since I filled this wish of speaking my mind, getting the circular thoughts out of it, I will sleep. Moreover, since I'm not able to get thoughts off my mind, I might fill it with the smell of the rose petals I gathered from the Save Frosty the Snowman event. If EVER anyone is able to read this in its entirety, let me know.

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